Relatives and Friends

Relatives and friends are directly affected by injuries and deaths in road accidents.

Wendy Newnham’s son, Martin (below left), was killed in a road accident.

Here she recalls the day …

It was a normal day…

“It was a normal, normal day. It was a Monday. Martin and his brother were getting ready to go out for the day. Martin was going off to meet friends and his brother was, you know, going out to meet other friends. So normally there would be a warzone in our house, but everyone was quite cheerful and bright. And they went off, I went off shopping, and I’d just got home and a police car pulled up outside, and I thought “oh typical Martin’s been stopped for something”.

You know, I went to the door and the police officer said that he’d been seen driving stupidly, dangerously, and they needed to speak to him. And then before he’d had a chance to leave the doorstep his radio went and he took the message, and came back and said that there’d been a crash and that it was possible that it was my son. And he left to go to the scene of the accident, but before he’d sort of left the house the phone was ringing. Lots of phone calls with young people crying, saying that they’d seen the crash and that Martin was trapped in the car. So I knew that it was the crash without being told by the police.

My other son arrived. He came down the path crying and it turned out he’d been in the car in front. He’d seen his brother crash and somebody had brought him home. I didn’t know what to do then. I wanted to go, I wanted to go out to the accident, because I wanted to be with him, but I knew I couldn’t because I wasn’t safe to drive. I was too all over the place, I didn’t know what to do.

Then I did get a lift, and I tried to go out to the accident and I was stopped at the road block. They wouldn’t let me through. In the meantime, my dad had been caught up in the accident and recognised the car and stopped, and of course it was his grandson, so I phoned him to ask him how badly injured my son was. And he said it wasn’t good, just go to the hospital.

Image left: The car that Martin was killed in, following the crash
Got to the hospital. Waited for what seemed like ages and ages. Overheard the ambulance and the police escort coming and the waiting area where they bring people in was full of doctors and nurses and it was just crammed full, and I knew, I knew how serious it was by the amount of people that were there waiting for him. And then we were led into the relatives’ room. I just went onto automatic pilot, I’d already started making decisions about will I need to turn off his life support, what about organ donation, what am I going to do. You know I’d already started thinking those things before I knew the outcome. And then they came and said that he’d had massive brain injuries. Nobody said “he’s going to die”. They just said it was looking bleak, but I understood what they were saying. And so I continued to ask to be allowed to see him, and eventually they let me see him. He wasn’t damaged particularly, just swollen, unconscious obviously, but I spoke to him. They say that the hearing is the last thing to go, and I spoke to him and told how much he was loved, told him he was an idiot and then his heart stopped. That awful sound of the monitor.

We don’t talk about it an awful lot because you try and protect their feelings, and it will upset them so I don’t talk to them too much about it. His brother is a teenager, so it’s difficult for him to talk about it anyway. The house is so quiet, there isn’t any music, there’s no playful fighting, there’s no… The whole dynamics of the house has changed, it’s really difficult. I don’t think I’ll get over it, I think I’ll learn to live with it. I think our lives will change according to the situation, but I don’t think I’ll ever get over it, no. I’m really angry with him. I’m angry that he was so stupid. I’m angry that he’s left us. How dare he, how dare he leave us, how dare he leave his brothers, how dare he not let me see him grow into a young man, a fine young man and have a family. I’m just so cross at him still at the moment.

Image left: Martin and his friends at the Bestival

I wasn’t worried particularly about him. He did used to drive a little bit fast. If ever I was in the car with him, I was always picking him up on speed limits and that sort of thing. But he only had a little car, you know it wasn’t suped up. He wasn’t going to get hurt in that was he? It wasn’t a car he could go being a boy racer in. But I was wrong.”

Got to the hospital. Waited for what seemed like ages and ages. Overheard the ambulance and the police escort coming and the waiting area where they bring people in was full of doctors and nurses and it was just crammed full, and I knew, I knew how serious it was by the amount of people that were there waiting for him. And then we were led into the relatives’ room. I just went onto automatic pilot, I’d already started making decisions about will I need to turn off his life support, what about organ donation, what am I going to do. You know I’d already started thinking those things before I knew the outcome. And then they came and said that he’d had massive brain injuries. Nobody said “he’s going to die”. They just said it was looking bleak, but I understood what they were saying. And so I continued to ask to be allowed to see him, and eventually they let me see him. He wasn’t damaged particularly, just swollen, unconscious obviously, but I spoke to him. They say that the hearing is the last thing to go, and I spoke to him and told how much he was loved, told him he was an idiot and then his heart stopped. That awful sound of the monitor.

We don’t talk about it an awful lot because you try and protect their feelings, and it will upset them so I don’t talk to them too much about it. His brother is a teenager, so it’s difficult for him to talk about it anyway. The house is so quiet, there isn’t any music, there’s no playful fighting, there’s no… The whole dynamics of the house has changed, it’s really difficult. I don’t think I’ll get over it, I think I’ll learn to live with it. I think our lives will change according to the situation, but I don’t think I’ll ever get over it, no. I’m really angry with him. I’m angry that he was so stupid. I’m angry that he’s left us. How dare he, how dare he leave us, how dare he leave his brothers, how dare he not let me see him grow into a young man, a fine young man and have a family. I’m just so cross at him still at the moment.

I wasn’t worried particularly about him. He did used to drive a little bit fast. If ever I was in the car with him, I was always picking him up on speed limits and that sort of thing. But he only had a little car, you know it wasn’t suped up. He wasn’t going to get hurt in that was he? It wasn’t a car he could go being a boy racer in. But I was wrong.”

Please think

“Please think about what you’re doing when you get in your car. You won’t know anything about it, it’s your family that’s left behind. Just slow down. Please think. Please, please, please don’t let your parents go through what we’re going through. Just think. Slow down, you know be five minutes late. Just get there alive.”